I need to do this…so here I am. Look at me, Mom! I’ve started a blog! (I’m kidding. I hope my mother never sees this…EVER!)
It was about two and a half years ago I sat in the waiting room of a mental hospital being handed a prescription for anti-anxiety medication that I realized that perhaps my life was not going as planned. I had NEVER considered myself CRAZY and certainly not crazy enough to admit myself into a hospital for it. I always thought I was cute crazy, like kooky and fun…but alas, after my reluctant departure from a marriage that was “ok” at best (I spent countless nights crying fully clothed in the bathtub or sleeping on the bathroom floor) and planning “mini” nervous breakdowns in the restroom at work– I realized that maybe I had gone from the fun friend at a party crazy to the wrist slitting kind.
At its heart, I do realize that mental health issues are no laughing matter. That being said, before the invention of all these anti-depressants, our ancestors were forced to just deal with this shit. Everyone is left to their own coping devices, and for whatever reason, I cannot bring myself to take mood altering medication. It is not a chemical imbalance that I have, but rather a severe ass kicking by life that has altered my outlook. I know in my heart I’m able to rise above. So, this blog is not me making light of mental instability, it’s me attempting to deal with my life the way I know best—by making fun of myself. I am a single Mom that’s just recently divorced, fired from my job (twice!), dating (sort of, I’m awful at it) and figuring out my life all at the same time. I’m tired all the time, I think too much, I like to be alone yet I’m lonely, there are bags under my eyes, love handles on my flesh—I NEED a way to deal! This is my creative outlet.
It is my hope to always be candid and fearless enough to say the things that most of us bury inside of ourselves for whatever reason. I have always been one to wear my heart on my sleeve; this blog is it. After seriously considering taking up a crystal meth addiction, I decided to do this instead–so READ IT, DAMMIT!