I’ve been reading a lot of shitty dating books lately. As is my way, I’ve honed in on something and allowed myself to completely obsess about it. I apologize to those who aren’t really interested in the topic but I get approached so much, it made me realize that I should probably figure out my stance on the whole thing. (That sentence sounds arrogant, but I know I’m no Rihanna and that I only get approached a lot because there are a lot of really aggressive men in the area I live in. They aren’t necessarily interested in ME but any warm vagina in general).
I never really had to bother dating at all. High school was a bust, no one was interested so there was no learning experience there. After high school apparently there were guys interested but I was in my own world. I liked one dude and I pretty much just hung around until he married me. It never even occurred to me that I had the option of dating around. After I split with my ex husband I rekindled something with a guy who had a crush on me when he was 15…so I’ve been taking the easy way out for some time now. Here I am with two kids and a laundry list of questions wondering wtf I am doing. I think I want to date—on some level I can see how it would be fun and I would like the companionship. Then again, I’m pretty sensitive so when things end badly my mourning process is kind of extreme. What DO I want?
This is the place for honesty so here goes: I just want someone to take care of me. There I said it, I feel so much better! I know we live in a society where women are supposed to be so independent but I don’t want that at all. Every time I take out my trash I think to myself, “What am I doing? Some dude should be doing this?” I think this every time I carry groceries up three flights of stairs, when I take the car for an oil change, and when I’m touching myself at night. Lean in? Shut up, feminists! I want to lean back while someone eats the good meal I cooked for them and I rub their feet. I don’t want to do the whole Independent Woman thing, I’ve been doing that awhile now and it kinda sucks. I just want to take care of somebody who’s willing to take care of me. I’m totally kidding about wanting someone to pay my bills. Half kidding…but seriously, can you?