Day 2: Uncomfortable Incidences: I spilled an entire trash can full of shredded documents on the floor of my bosses’ office– enough said

Missed Connections: S/o to short haired girl on metro with Super Mario Bros t-shirt and awesome dubstep/dance playlist on her headphones.

I brought Ramen noodles but no bowl to microwave it in. I also chose to wear a blazer over a one piece jumpsuit  so I had to get completely naked to use the bathroom…sometimes I really do hate myself. On top of that, I lied to the sweetest woman in the world today (my supervisor). I told her I might need to take an important call on my cell phone. She was fine with it and nice enough to ask me if it was from an interviewer and what job it was for. It was an interview alright– but it was social services calling to let me know if I’m eligible for food stamps or not. So, in order to avoid the awkwardness of my honesty I just told her I interviewed for some EA job. Seriously, it’s as if the universe doesn’t think I’m aware of how poor I am and keeps creating scenarios to remind me!

I also wrestled with bankers boxes all morning. It took me way too long to assemble the first one, so much time that I’m wondering if I should just add the phrase “idiot savant” to the special skills section of my resumè. I was also preoccupied most of the day. Working with boxes had me focused on the state of my very own box and thinking salacious thoughts. Just as I was seriously (sort of) contemplating celibacy, a sexy proposition falls into my lap and it’s looking like I just might be in the mindset to accept the offer. I need some discipline…and more whiskey.

–Your Homie