Social media is the devil, but I still hear it calling me! My problem is that I do things ass backward by reporting and sharing all the terrible shit that’s going on in my life– dating or otherwise– and I feel weird about sharing when it’s good.
No One Likes A Humble Brag
When I was down and out in relationship hell going through my divorce and break up I felt it was the sworn duty of my friend’s to listen to my pain and anguish with their “Mmhmm, girl’s” armed and ready. That’s what friends DO!! But now that I’ve settled into something substantial with a romantic partner that seems to actually love and respect me I feel a little censored. Who can I gush to about my consistent good morning texts and “just checking in” phone calls? The answer: no one.
I try my hardest to regulate my “JW Says the Darnedest Things” anecdotes to my closest bff, but I think that by now even she has reached her limit. With the surplus of social media platforms, humble bragging has become common but it’s best to gear that shit toward a widespread audience because sharing with individuals might just get your feelings hurt. I was bummed out about this at first but now I see it as a blessing in disguise. Feeling kind of like a fool if I were to post excessive #myboo pictures and statuses has helped me to grow up a little and become a more private person.
You Down With OPP?
My entire courting and marriage was kind of like a reality show and its rise and fall was very much everybody’s business. With my second major child-producing romantic involvement I learned to get better about not sharing information with my parents. Now, after doing the casual dating thing and keeping that as under wraps as possible (from my entire family and a majority of friends), this new relationship is the 3rd rule of Fight Club: WE DO NOT POST ABOUT IT! With the exception of the blog, (because to most of my audience I am a complete stranger) I try not to share any photos, change any relationship statuses or speak much about JW or follow him on any medias at all. I have my reasons. ..
- I’m not a jealous person but I’ve been made into one by the cheaters I’ve dealt with in the past. (So… I guess I AM a jealous person.) I don’t want to spend my time on IG decoding some thirsty comment on my man’s dinner pic: “Ooh can I have a taste?” No you can’t, bitch. That’s my veal parmesan and you can have several seats! People on social media have no chill, and as a person prone to being bothered by it I may as well see no evil and not friend or follow him on any sites.
Furthermore, what’s done in the dark will always come to light. Becoming Nancy Drew and searching for the “Mystery of the Cyber Flirty Boyfriend” sounds exhausting and, for lack of a better term, PRESSED.
- I know my role and I don’t want to put too much stock in Facebook affirming it for me. So far I think I’ve solidified my girlfriend status by being present for conversation during number 2s and the meeting and greeting of friends and children, etc. Furthermore, it is a good trust building activity for me to take words and action at face value rather than putting too much emphasis on how we are presented to our virtual world.
- When and if it’s all said and done between us, my experiences and memories will be enough to haunt and hurt me. I believe in absolute severance and I would not want to deal with deleting, untagging, unfriending and unfollowing. I do not believe in soft break ups!
- I am way too personal in this blog– it really is in his best interests to remain nameless and faceless.
I am tempted to showboat relationship happiness, almost everyday, and admittedly a little envious of those that have the luxury. My baby is a beautiful man…all tall, dark skin, bright teeth and pretty eyes, OF COURSE I want to photo op our every moment together! However, I recognize that the desire to plaster his face all over the walls of my accounts stems from an immaturity and insecurity within me that wants to yell a big fat “HAHA!” in the face of every stupid guy I’ve wasted my time with, and every woman that gossiped about me behind my back. I don’t need to get in the habit of trying to prove a thing to any of those people. I just need to learn to juggle what life has thrown me and enjoy the moments he and I share together while continuing to be present– living in the moment and feeling everything.
I’ve had romantic encounters before that I always worried weren’t real because we never went viral with it. At some point I began to associate a low media presence with a poor relationship. One thing I have been able to learn about myself is that if a man creates a safe environment of trust, consistency and affection then I could care less about the hash tags. Hanging out on a snowy day
trying to understand watching the all star weekend dunk contest with him is an activity to enjoy and not a mini photo shoot. The fact that he is spending that time with me is what matters and to hell with what anyone else thinks or doesn’t or what symbolism lies in the public display of commitment.
Personally, I don’t even know JW’s stance on the whole social media thing. I know he has Facebook and Instagram but that’s pretty much where we leave it. The moment I enter his presence I put my phone away– and he his– and focus all of my attention on us and savor the freedom of the privacy of we share. As a person that doesn’t mind being an open book and challenges herself to overshare in an effort to identify and include others, I must say it feels nice to be saving a little piece to myself.
We’ll see how long this lasts!