…Of Nice and Good Men

A good man is the same as a finicky cat that comes to drink of the warm bowl of milk you’ve gingerly placed outside of your front door to feed it. You may watch the cat reap the benefits of the treat– just for God’s sake don’t make any sudden moves or you may scare it away forever!

Where Do Nice Guys Finish?
…on your face like every other man, so let’s hop down from that pedestal, guys. I see and hear the cry of “nice, non-bad boys” and I’m not overly impressed. Are you really missing out on dating opportunities with women because you are too kind and wholesome and good? Maybe you are also a coward that never makes the first move, are emotionally unavailable, too busy or lazy to make room for a relationship in your life, OR (and this is my favorite) you stand on the greatness of your master’s degree, immaculate apartment and nice car completely forgetting that you have to offer a woman some personality. You are not losing in life; especially in this day and age when women are cooking meals, raising the babies AND bringing other women home for men to get their threesome fix so they WON’T BE ABANDONED OR CHEATED ON.

Nice guys, I have more questions! Are you really losing with good women, or are we talking about being curved by the big booty chick with a million dudes in her DMs anyway? Also, who hurt you? Are you sure you got over Romantica who cheated on you in ninth grade and broke your heart? Are you sure you’re giving off “nice guy” vibes or are you repping 2015, the age of inconsistent communication, Netflix and chill and total disregard for the emotional well being of anyone but yourself? I don’t know the answers, these are literally my questions.

Everyone is REPLACEABLE
And, seriously, on the other side of it we women have to chill with this whole concept of driving away and/or scaring off “good men”. You settle down with your “nice/good” man and you’re afraid to rock the boat for fear he won’t stay and argue, but will leave you for something better. If a man is down for you, he shouldn’t be packing his bags every time you want to approach the subject of why a nigga gotta always eat the last of your Pringles without saving you some. Relationships are hard, there’s going to be some friction and disagreement no matter how good and kind the person you are with.

Personally, dealing with a strong, chivalrous, considerate and goal-oriented man after dating a slew of third string assholes IS an entirely different ballgame. However, I push myself to be vocal about the things that bother me in a rational way that leads to productive conversation. True, not a lot of men want to argue all the time (at least I try to stay away from men who equate arguing with passion) but a disagreement or two shouldn’t have you shaking in your red bottoms that he’s going to leave you. No, you can’t be crazy (slashing only three car tires because if you slash all four his insurance will cover the costs) or rude, or disrespectful but if something in the relationship bothers you, you also can’t be afraid to stand up to your good man. He is not the same as the man who ghosted you for days then copped an attitude when you voiced your complaints. If he is for real a good man he will LISTEN to the things that bother you and talk it out! Welcome to adulting…

The thing about these nice/good guys is that they are treated by the world around us like a novelty when the reality of it is; they are getting credit for shit they are supposed to do! Being faithful, educated and independent should align with the personal goals of the nice guy, not just marketed as a qualitative selling point to get and keep bitches. “Do you know how many women would love to have a man like me?” This is the battle cry of self-proclaimed nice guys that really ain’t shit. Ok, go find these women that will appreciate you so much more–fast forward  two months later and you’ll be posting lonely nigga quotes and Bae applications on your Facebook.

I have been hurt by enough nice guys to know not to fall for this foolishness. Yes, you may draw her bath water and hang out with her mom but it doesn’t make you incapable of hurting a woman…you ARE human. Treating your woman kindly does not elevate you to superhero status. Furthermore, as far as your social media posts reading like the book of Lamentations; don’t nobody feel sorry for your ass! For mature women who aren’t into all the games it’s never a matter of the bad boy vs. good guy. Maybe we’ve gotten our hearts broken by a disrespectful man in the past but it doesn’t mean that is a preference. Using the nice guys finish last, woe is me expressions is not only unimpressive but unfounded. Good men, great men, nice men who show consistency loyalty and personality are winning all across the board. Just look around you….

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2 thoughts on “…Of Nice and Good Men

  1. Someone finally said it.

    The “Nice Guy/Nice Girl” perspective is so trite, boring and misinformed in most cases. It can be very one-sided, so it’s probably best to assume those conversations to be an “unreliable narrator” situation. I think the real issue with a lot of them is a lack of self-awareness and a misunderstanding about how most people and love relationships operate. I think women (or anyone really) are better off not giving so much of a fuck about finding and/or keeping a person and focus more on finding and keeping themselves. Finding someone that you want to be with won’t matter two shits if you ain’t really right with yourself. And if you can’t recognize that defenciency in another person even though they are “nice,” then you might as well be with a full-on jerk. Furthermore, people, just because someone is “nice,” has chemistry with you and is established doesn’t mean that they match up with you where it counts for you, or that you HAVE to choose them. What makes them so entitled? Don’t let these “Nice Guys/Nice Girls,” or anyone out here, guilt you into a situation with them just because in their head they think they deserve it. Do what you want, and accept people into your life that really fit YOU at any given time – romantically, platonically or otherwise.

  2. In general the Nice Guy/Nice Girl title is one that is usually self-appointment to begin with and therefore not always accurate. As someone who has been described as a “Nice Guy” (if I had to choose just one) I can 100% say that there are people (rightfully and wrongfully) who would beg to differ with that characterization of me. Does this make them right? Does it make me wrong? Is the term “Nice” conditional? Terms like Nice Guy/Nice Girl are pretty vague and people are complex and emotional which can change behavior and perspective. Any title, self-appointed or not, is in the eye of the beholder and we would do better as a society/dating cultural if we ignored titles and just lived.

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