We all guffaw at the memes and the very idea of the Netflix and chill concept but it seems no one is actually partaking in this phenomenon. Is it accurate to say that we are all laughing at it because we get it but don’t actually participate in it…?
Listen, I am more than happy to be the first one to step up and be real honest by saying: Hi, my name is WG and I am a come over and chill girl. As feminism friendly as we millennials pretend to be, I am sensing there is still a negative stigma surrounding the women who accept their favorite bottle of liquor and open themselves up to potential fondling while watching Straight Outta Compton bootleg edition. However, if you like someone AND you’re lazy— like myself— the concept of Netflix and chill sounds awesome!
I suppose I am low maintenance to a fault and I never understood the whole “I don’t fuck for free mentality”. Hmm, if you fuck in exchange for goods and services doesn’t that make you a prostitute of sorts? With the way that dating has shifted these days; I see both sides and I can’t say that I blame men for not wanting to drop a buck at the nearest Ruth Chris steakhouse for a woman who will most likely pan out to be “nothing special”. OR, even for a woman you just want to use for sex. I spent plenty of time lamenting that men don’t like to take women on dates anymore—then I got over it and decided I could take myself out for a nice time while leaving the extortion out of it. If you really are trying to get to know someone specifically, sure dates are nice. But really if you are just fucking around (an dating multiples), who cares? I mean, Cuffing Season—come on! You don’t want a boyfriend, you want a warm blanket for the winter.
The Do’s and Don’ts of the Come Over and Chill
When members of the opposite sex get together of course there’s a chance that sex will take place but it doesn’t have to if you don’t want it. Contrary to popular belief, men are not savages that simply have no self-control once they become sexually aroused. What if I told you; it is possible to hang out in a home environment with a member of the opposite sex and NOT sleep with them?! As long as you are sure to…
Netflix and Know
…the person that you’re hanging out with. There is always a possibility that the situation could escalate physically so you want to be sure you are hanging out with the kind of guy that understands that no means NO. I will admit that my first date with current beau was a “chill and hangout” situation that actually could have ended really badly for me. I didn’t know this guy and it was a stupid and pretty dangerous thing to do. I am fully aware that my story could have ended a lot differently and I could be dead. In retrospect, I see the value of a few meetups beforehand (maybe coffee or ice cream) before traipsing over to someone’s house all willy nilly.
*Of course, true psychopaths live among us and have no problem pretending not to be crazy until the time is right to murder you unsuspectingly. That’s why life in general is a crapshoot of horrible stuff that could possibly happen to you but—you know, YOLO, or whatever.
DO Invite Friends
Because why not? Looking back on some of the “situationships” I’ve had, I really wish I had taken more ownership and had more control over how the bonding progressed. I felt as if I lived by a rulebook that in actuality does not exist. There are no rules, just the loud opinions and social pressure from others. Meeting the friends and family is no longer a big deal. Maybe it’s just me, but my friends know the difference between someone I’m just hanging out with and someone who is serious. The “What are your intentions with my friend?” scenario is not realistic if everyone is just there to have a great time. If he is SO repulsed by the idea of a group hangout that he chooses not to participate…ok. You can still have a good time with your friends!
DO Wear Decent Underwear
Because you never know…
DON’T Over Accommodate
Yes you can come over, let’s order takeout, go Dutch and be merry! However, you are not my dude and I am not cooking you dinner nor am I fixing you a plate. Do not try to throw me into a domestic situation and expect me to be submissive to you prematurely. It’s fine to take care of a man, but I don’t ever like to feel like I’m auditioning to be someone’s girlfriend. Especially, since folks these days will let you prepare gourmet meals, rub feet and give bomb bjs then proceed to never contact you again.
DO Get A Fucking Babysitter
I say that with such force because it’s just the right thing to do! In my savage days I didn’t always do this, and yes my kids are in bed by 8:30 and they always sleep through the night but still it’s the principle. No need to follow in my footsteps and be a total ratchet—though it is hard for single mothers to find time for freaky stuff much less actually just watching a movie. Here is the key: even your friends who don’t like children at all are usually willing to do you a solid every once in a while so that you can enjoy the company of a fine man and potentially get some D. If you take your kids over to your friend’s house already fed and in pajamas SECONDS away from bedtime, then watching them is a piece of cake for anyone.
DO Make an Effort
Yes, I’m lazy and after work I don’t feel like REshowering (I JUST showered like 9 hours ago!), beating my face and slipping on my best spanx and most expensive looking dress from Forever 21. However, I try my best not to be just plain sloppy in a COAC situation. The safest route, I find, is workout clothes and some “natural” makeup. Yoga pants are awesome and make your ass look great and most workout clothes are pretty sexy, but moveable enough in case you have to run for your life and/or whoop someone’s ass. (I can’t stress enough that psychos DO exist!)
DON’T Let Bougie Friends Kill Your Vibe
Chilling with a dude and watching movies at either of your places is what it is: comfortable, fun and a way to save money. There are women that abhor this type of thing and go on and on about how they have so many dates a week with such and such at insert fancy restaurant here. Good for them—I’m just not that girl, and it is ok not to be. It’s such a strange culture where we place so much monetary value on our worth as people, yet we accept ambiguous relationships and side chick statuses. The truth of the matter is, if a man really wants to build something with you or is full of shit or just having a good time it will be clear whether he spends $200 on you or nothing. If you ever get to the point where you’re over it and feel like you are being used for sex and access to of every episode of Breaking Bad there’s nothing wrong with speaking up.
My entire philosophy for the come over and chill is that it should always be a situation that is beneficial for YOU. I’ve turned down COAC’s before simply because I was simply too lazy to clean my house! In addition to that, I’ve gotten emotionally attached to men who just came over to “kick it” because we ended up spending so much time together vibing and sharing with each other. At that point the conversation was had “Are we kickin’ it, or are we committing to something more?”
Men are only humans and we sometimes allow their actions to have way too much control over how we view and treat ourselves. We don’t like rejection so we walk on eggshells and choose not to confront the questions and issues we may have concerning them. It’s not worth it to “chill” with someone for months on end and think of yourself in relationship purgatory because you are too afraid to ask to go out on a real date. Netflix and chill has been adulterated into an activity that a man can use to keep a woman on a string without spending money on her and committing to a relationship. Let’s go back to it’s origins and the true meaning of what it’s all about: a lazy and cheap good time, and maybe some drunken fondling if the opportunity arises.
I’m just a simple, old-fashioned girl–what can I say?