I want someone to speak softly to me, I’ve grown tired of tough love. It seems everyone likes to tell it how it is these days. I am an adult, I am very aware of how it is I just need to be held. Or for someone to lie to me and say everything is ok. I am stressed out.

And I am disillusioned by people and our savage natures. I’m still learning that standing up for your own self preservation means potentially losing the ones you love. We don’t care about each other as we used to. We don’t hug or talk as much or laugh when it’s not at someone else’s expense. We don’t allow room for error anymore; use hugs as a sign of forgiveness or say things like, “I am disappointed but I still love you.”

I miss when being loved didn’t have so many rules, it wasn’t perfect but it was closer to unconditional. And I had a list of people that I could tell in confidence that my mental health is struggling and I am barely keeping all the balls in the air. I am so tired.

And those people would know to stroke my cheek, squeeze my body tightly and allow me just the smallest of break downs. Those people knew that their touch was enough to build me up again–they didn’t judge or condemn my weakness. They held on. They understood.