I Hope There’s No Camera in the Break Room

Day 1: Uncomfortable Incidences

            Got lost on my way to the bathroom (this is a given)

            Accidentally knocked down paper towel roll

It appears some of my cheap ass nail polish has smeared onto a few  documents

 I’ve squoze back into my little work pencil skirt and here I am, behind a desk again. The awesome upside is that because I’m specialized in the accounting field I get paid a little bit more than the average temp to essentially do the same filing and data entry crap. For this I am grateful! I’m sure I don’t have to share exactly how and why temp work absolutely sucks. For starters, I’ve met everyone on staff via awkward hellos as they were en route to the breakroom and/or bathroom. Also, you have to get a key from the receptionist to use the bathroom and I’m just not sure Mary and I are that close where she should be privy to my bathroom habits.

This morning I walked into the break room and the very first thing I noticed was the huge screen tv in the corner and a bottle of wine next to the coffee pot– things were looking up! However, microwaving my leftovers for lunch I noticed there was organic ketchup in the condiments drawer soooo I’m just hoping to successfully avoid the person that belongs to. (Organic ketchup = douchebag). I’m working for these cute little ladies that are all chatty and no clear directions. They’re so busy they barely wait to even listen to all I have to say before they’re moving on to the next thing– which works for me because I trail off the end of my sentences anyway because lazy. The major dilemma of the morning is that my breath smelled appalling. I usually keep gum in my purse but I had to swap out my hippie “Jerusalem” sack that my parents gave me when they went to Israel, for a regular purse and some stuff got lost in the transition. So, I’m towering over these tiny women with my awful breath and I think I know what a fire breathing dragon feels like.  You know, minus the power of setting people on fire to get what I want. Wow, this is starting to sound crazy!  Goodbye for now, I’ll keep you posted on day two.

Notes to self:

-Stop saying “yeah” say “yes.”

-Maybe less eyeliner tomorrow, your eyes keep watering.

-Bring snacks, you are HUNGRY!

-Remember the high powered electric stapler makes a loud noise and try not to shit yourself every.single. time you staple something!

–Ur Homie