I have exactly 12 days until my birthday festivities to try to look good in this dress. I’m turning 31 and that’s such a nothing age so I may as well look good. Also, my personal theme for this year is: I love myself. For this year, I hope to invest in my own mental and physical health while encouraging others to do the same.
Anyway, this week I have to eat, sleep and breathe ab work!! I moved from my apartment to a rental house this weekend and cheated myself by not eating on schedule AND eating junk. I probably gained back those precious 5lbs I lost–things have just been so stressful lately.
Maybe attempting 2 hour gym sessions at least 3 times this week will help. Ugh, I’ll keep you posted (I officially hate being a woman).
*This is not going to be a daily thing…I promise*
I don’t feel like I’m getting any smaller and it’s bumming me out a little. I’m supposed to lose like 5 pounds in the first week– and I translate that to mean that I should bust the two piece out of the closet. And people keep saying, “Well, if you’re working out, you might gain before you lose.” That’s ass backward– I wanna LOSE before I lose HENCE WORKING OUT AND BEING ON THIS STUPID DIET! (Or “lifestyle change” is probably what I’m supposed to call it…)
So, the good thing about Nutrisystem is that you do get to eat all day. My obsession/love affair with food doesn’t have to come to a complete end. So my schedule looks a bit like this:
9am – Breakfast
11am – Snack
1pm – Lunch
3pm – Snack
6 or 7 – Dinner
In theory this sounds awesome, but yesterday my 3pm snack alarm went off and I remember thinking to myself, “Really? I just fucking ate!” Maybe the angle is to make you eat so often that you just get tired of food in general and it becomes something you have to do to survive and not the highlight of your life (as it used to be!) I should really hold off on bragging about it though until I start to see some pounds dropping. Tomorrow will be a week…
Two piece swimsuit goals (Forever 21–b/c budget)
My nutrisystem was delivered last night! I ripped open the box and quickly selected a few menu items to take with me to JW’s house. I was excited—and he was excited for me in the most diplomatic way possible.
I told him the news through the curtain in the bathroom as he showered. “That’s great, baby. You’re going to lose a lot of weight and feel good.” Kind of a slippery slope thing for him to say (for any man to make any comment about any woman’s weight EVER), but I feel like I know him well enough to realize that he likes me as I am and just wants me to feel the same. Later as I attempted to climb into bed while still wearing my shirt, he flashes me a flirty grin and softly suggests I take it off. The thought, to me, is horrifying. I don’t want my belly flip flopping in bed as we lay together and I don’t want to have to worry about jiggling or moving too much in general—but what baby wants, baby gets. We’ve been together long enough, but I still feel shy in those moments…the shirt came off.
He rubbed my back and said, “Look at you…” Feeling slightly more at ease I lay down on the pillows. He leaned over me and cupped my face. “You are so beautiful,” he said.
THIS is the moment I will use to propel me forward in my weight loss efforts.
Also, I took 3 shits today………
For the first time in centuries (maybe a slight exaggeration) I am sitting on metro commuting to work with absolutely nothing to overthink about…what the hell?
I have a lot to do at work. I can’t complain that I am underworked and over paid anymore because recently I’ve taken on more assignments and lately my co-workers have adapted the habit of recognizing my hard work by writing up nice notes for my personnel file and treating me with food and gift cards. My biggest problem with work life right now is how to complete my deadlines on time and still have time to socialize with my friends at work. First.World.Problems.
I went to the gym last night and am back on a consistent schedule. My mother keeps the kids during the entire week (last night she dropped them off to “visit” me for a few hours–gtfoh!) so I definitely have time to fit working out in my schedule. Gone are the days of lying in bed eating Oreos and wishing I could just have two seconds to myself to do the shit I want to do! Apparently, I’m doing it. Bills aren’t paid but nothing is about to get cut off and I even had a romantic date with a cute guy that 1. Took time out of his busy schedule and 2. Didn’t try to grab at any of my body parts during our time together and 3. MADE DINNER FOR ME! I don’t know whose life I’m living right now but I’m not sure I’m ready for this bullshit. This is my confession: contentment is a snoozefest!
Friend: Hey, girl what’s new with you?
Me: Oh nothing. Just achieving balance in my life and getting the things that I want
Unimpressive and hardly amusing. I spoke to my bff the other day telling her the uneventful details of my awesome and romantic date with a sweet guy that clearly likes me and her response was, “do you think you can handle a nice guy?” Hmm, the fact that I’m freaking out that things are going well tells me….nope! Can I handle a nice guy? Can I handle a nice world—a nice life?! For once, I’m not getting shitted on by crappy circumstances left and right and things are…well—right side up. Is this how people live? Happily and free of drama? Such monotony…