I have exactly 12 days until my birthday festivities to try to look good in this dress. I’m turning 31 and that’s such a nothing age so I may as well look good. Also, my personal theme for this year is: I love myself. For this year, I hope to invest in my own mental and physical health while encouraging others to do the same.
Anyway, this week I have to eat, sleep and breathe ab work!! I moved from my apartment to a rental house this weekend and cheated myself by not eating on schedule AND eating junk. I probably gained back those precious 5lbs I lost–things have just been so stressful lately.
Maybe attempting 2 hour gym sessions at least 3 times this week will help. Ugh, I’ll keep you posted (I officially hate being a woman).
*This is not going to be a daily thing…I promise*
I don’t feel like I’m getting any smaller and it’s bumming me out a little. I’m supposed to lose like 5 pounds in the first week– and I translate that to mean that I should bust the two piece out of the closet. And people keep saying, “Well, if you’re working out, you might gain before you lose.” That’s ass backward– I wanna LOSE before I lose HENCE WORKING OUT AND BEING ON THIS STUPID DIET! (Or “lifestyle change” is probably what I’m supposed to call it…)
So, the good thing about Nutrisystem is that you do get to eat all day. My obsession/love affair with food doesn’t have to come to a complete end. So my schedule looks a bit like this:
9am – Breakfast
11am – Snack
1pm – Lunch
3pm – Snack
6 or 7 – Dinner
In theory this sounds awesome, but yesterday my 3pm snack alarm went off and I remember thinking to myself, “Really? I just fucking ate!” Maybe the angle is to make you eat so often that you just get tired of food in general and it becomes something you have to do to survive and not the highlight of your life (as it used to be!) I should really hold off on bragging about it though until I start to see some pounds dropping. Tomorrow will be a week…
Two piece swimsuit goals (Forever 21–b/c budget)
Too much filter
Reason #3,467 of why I want to lose weight:
If I am anything above a size 10-12 I look like a chubby video hoe in whatever I wear!
I put on an outfit this morning that was supposed to say “Its warm outside. I will dress accordingly and professionally. ” However, by the time I got off the bus with my pencil skirt riding high and my tank top riding low, I think I was saying, “Everyone step back please…I may twerk at any moment!” (Yes I am obsessed with twerking but only because I feel like it looks like I can do it but I can’t. I’m a walking false advertisement.)
Anyway, this is not how want to look while going over expense reports with my boss. Weight loss has to happen because I’m too poor and too vain to start buying baggier clothes. At the very least, I am grateful this skirt doesn’t have a slit in it anywhere. Seriously, what kind of sadistic, perverted fashion designer came up with that bullshit?
My nutrisystem was delivered last night! I ripped open the box and quickly selected a few menu items to take with me to JW’s house. I was excited—and he was excited for me in the most diplomatic way possible.
I told him the news through the curtain in the bathroom as he showered. “That’s great, baby. You’re going to lose a lot of weight and feel good.” Kind of a slippery slope thing for him to say (for any man to make any comment about any woman’s weight EVER), but I feel like I know him well enough to realize that he likes me as I am and just wants me to feel the same. Later as I attempted to climb into bed while still wearing my shirt, he flashes me a flirty grin and softly suggests I take it off. The thought, to me, is horrifying. I don’t want my belly flip flopping in bed as we lay together and I don’t want to have to worry about jiggling or moving too much in general—but what baby wants, baby gets. We’ve been together long enough, but I still feel shy in those moments…the shirt came off.
He rubbed my back and said, “Look at you…” Feeling slightly more at ease I lay down on the pillows. He leaned over me and cupped my face. “You are so beautiful,” he said.
THIS is the moment I will use to propel me forward in my weight loss efforts.
Also, I took 3 shits today………