Tag Archives: social media

What You Not Gonna Do

Posted on by under The Crazy

Relationship Killers

If you are reading this, you might want to go make yourself a steaming hot cup of tea because I’m about to dish about my personal life. I always weigh these things and decide just how much I am willing to share for the overall message and purpose of the blog and my underlying thought is that it is always worth it to reveal personal things about my life if especially if it will save a another woman from having to do so. That being said, think of the title of this post as an instructional guide—and I will provide tips not only on what you’re not gonna do but what you should not do when you run into situations such as this.

Back Story

About a year ago I wrote a tongue in cheek blog post about an altercation I had with my boyfriend’s upstairs neighbor called The Price of Slapping A Bitch. The post was basically a tale of one of those frustrating situations of not getting along with someone and wanting badly to invoke the spirits of violence but knowing that you can’t because jail time. Anyway, referenced in the post is the fact that his neighbor left a cheerfully hateful note on the windshield of my car the next morning—and in the post I didn’t reveal all of what she said but I hit the highlights that really irritated me (and was the most fun to write about and rebut). What I did not reveal is that in the note she referred to the boyfriend as “Community dick” and claimed that there was a lazy susan of women rotating in and out of his apartment quite often.

Reasons for not revealing this information:

  • This is the jugular that every woman goes for when they have beef! Second to commenting on how ugly they think you are, they always accuse your man of either cheating in general or cheating with them. The beauty of not being defined by looks or romantic relationship with a male is that these things don’t hold as much weight. As a woman who has been cheated on in EVERY RELATIONSHIP EVER, yes that is my worst nightmare but at the end of the day, you do some yelling and confronting and if there’s no concrete evidence you let it go. Paranoia cannot dictate a relationship.

 

  • Because I’m the fucking police and I know the importance of not releasing all the damn details to the public. I spill lots of tea—who am I kidding, it’s raining tea all over these pages—but believe it or not, I keep some things to myself in an effort to be considerate of privacy.

But I digress, the note was ultimately ignored and forgotten; the relationship continued. Fast forward to January of this year I received a comment on the aforementioned post in the middle of the morning and I go to give it a look. (It’s still there if you want to take a peek). It is supposedly the cousin of the upstairs neighbor who recognized the scenario and then proceeds to warn me of two things: 1. Her cousin will crush my life if she reads the post and 2. That I should pop by the boyfriend’s house to see for myself that he was cheating because I was being played.

NO. THANK YOU.

I was going to save a list for later but I can’t hold it in. WHAT YOU NOT GONNA DO is tell me that someone is going to do me bodily harm over something I’ve written on my blog. If you don’t like it don’t read it, and who the fuck are you that you are going around threatening folks? Because as much as I would love to slap a bitch, there is a lot more value in waiting for a bitch to hit me first so I can sue the shit out of her and pay for my children’s college. Also what you not gonna do is suggest I pop by a nigga’s house to catch him in the act of cheating. To be frank, pop-ups are for losers. Once you’ve reached that point in your relationship you are losing and I refuse to be Nancy Drew over any of this shit. I have things to do, and if he’s cheating he’s cheating and I will either eventually find out OR he’ll do something reckless and I’ll get a horrible STD. Who knows? This is what life and relationships are—you take the risk of loving and trusting someone and you stick with it until proven otherwise. Rude notes and blog post comments are not going to motivate suspicion within me. (Also, fun fact: if you are a first time commenter on the blog I am given the authority to approve or reject your comment; I chose to approve this particular comment because yolo, or whatever…)

Let Me Tell You What A Bitch Did

Fast forward to yesterday I am playing on my cell phone, exhausted from the day’s activities and fantasizing about skipping out on what I had planned for the evening, when I get a request that someone on Instagram wants to send me a picture. Sure! (I was secretly hoping it was my very first dick pic. Disgusting I know, but I feel like there’s some sort of rite of passage in getting your first random dick pic on the internet…anywho). What it was…a screenshot of the boyfriend’s picture on a dating site with a message from a random IG user (hard to trace and private, I tried!) with the message that simply read: FYI.

OK

Is it obvious this is my favorite meme?

I had so many questions! I didn’t get the immediate visceral reaction of “omg he’s cheating” I just kind of wasn’t surprised because the picture was from the dating site we had actually met on and I know my profile pic is floating out there on the same site. Only because it was nearly impossible to deactivate my account so I just hid my profile. Someone could easily screenshot my shit and send it to him and it would look bad but there would be an explanation. I needed more information.

So I requested it. And was immediately given the “What more evidence do you need? If you feel in your heart that maybe he is cheating here is your proof. Pay attention be smart about it and love yourself enough not to be played.”

What You Not Gonna Do

…is drop me a random screenshot of the boyfriend, try to plant a seed of discord in my life and drop the mic. I got questions! First of all, how do you know me? How do you know that this is my dude? It’s not impossible to figure out who the boyfriend is—but it is difficult since we don’t follow or have any links to each other on any social media. So you either have to do some digging or you have to know me personally. What’s your backstory?

You also not gonna condescend to me like you are a loving mentor or big sister. You are a complete stranger and I have no context about your intentions whatsoever. Being smart is not accepting a public photo of your s/o with no other explanation or background about how the pic was obtained, etc. Screenshots of explicit conversations (with number displayed) and dated dick pics are acceptable along with further explanation about who you are. This humanizes you and at the very least makes me more willing to believe this random ass information that you’re supplying me. In 2016, side bitch culture has become the norm, there are plenty of women that have been scarred by the horrors of cheating and are simply waiting on the next ball to drop. Accusing a man of cheating is the easiest thing to do and something you really don’t need a lot of supporting evidence to prove anymore. A woman on the receiving end of the non-information usually just flies off the handle and starts making a list of names of people she wants to fight. As for me and my house, you need more people and more facts.

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There are women that forgive after cheating, and good for them! As for me…

And lastly, what you not gonna do is assume that I don’t love myself because you think and/or know that my man is cheating on me. Holy accountability, Batman! If a man cheats that’s on him, that shit is his choice and my ignorance of the fact does not make me a walking pile of low self-esteem. Furthermore, self-respect and choosing to forgive a partner for infidelity is not mutually exclusive. Women choose to forgive and work on their relationships with cheaters everyday—it is up to the people in the relationship to decide how they will handle such a situation. My eyes were opened to this fact just before my divorce—I thought I was the type of woman to stay in spite of infidelity and work on the relationship but then I slowly came to the realization that it’s not really the type of woman I am. That is my choice and in turn, I don’t look down on the women who decide to stay and work it out. God bless ‘em!

What You Should Do

I write this because the sad reality of life is that people—and dare I say, women specifically (sorry feminists)—are petty and vindictive and some actually want to see you completely fail at life. Revenge is a thing and arch nemeses are no longer just the stuff of comic books. I was driving around a crowded parking lot just the other day and I thought I happened upon an empty space. I darted over to claim it and just before pulling in I noticed an SUV hovering nearby. Not wanting to be the douchebag to steal his space I hesitated to allow the SUV the opportunity to claim it. About three seconds later I heard an angry voice yell “I DO NOT WANT THE FUCKING PARKING SPACE!” And there you have it…

People are assholes that don’t give a shit about politeness your feelings or anything of the sort. And the harsh reality is, if people are given the opportunity to be mean and shit all over your feelings they will choose to do so more often than not. I don’t automatically assume that strange women who approach me are good Samaritans worried about me and my self worth. On some level I believe that these incidents are related to the upstairs neighbor, but when I think about it all it honestly makes my brain hurt. I’m a regular ass woman, I don’t have time for sleuthing I have shit to do—but I will make time to share my experience and leave these thoughts with you.

If you are on the receiving end of this kind of thing my only advice would be for you to think before you act. It has nothing to do with trusting your intuition because when folk are coming at you sideways it fucks your intuition all the way up. You are not acting on a gut feeling but reacting to feelings of anger, hurt and maybe a little bit of embarrassment. No matter what you post on social media, in a blog or tell to friends—no one knows the inner workings of your relationship, how you choose to function, what you will and will not put up with and the reality behind appearances. I reject embarrassment and choose to put my business out there in moments like these in order to connect with others dealing with similar situations. Are there folks reading this shaking their heads and thinking “oh yeah she’s getting played” OF COURSE—but who cares? Those opinions, shaking heads and sounds of sympathy do nothing for my everyday life. I will handle as I see fit and I recommend the same for everybody because in the aftermath of it all the person bringing forward this juicy information never has to deal with the consequences of the events that unfold after the fact.

For those of you on the giving end of this kind of thing, I get it! A man is out there cheating and you are a super hero called to right the wrongs and bring a motherfucker to justice! However, do it like a lawyer and not a superhero. Provide the evidence, statistics, facts and be available to answer follow up questions—my GOD! You are a random woman coming out of the woodwork and accusing someone’s intimate partner of foul play, you are never going to be well received. Do yourself a favor and it keep it short and be precise and exact with how you choose to present the information. Realize that you are not this woman’s friend—this is not the movies and it will not be a meet-cute about how you met your future bff. You are coming in as the enemy by default so be cognizant and respectful of the fact. Wave the white flag of irrefutable evidence because planting a seed of doubt with faulty information is bullshit and will only be seen as shade and sabotage.

By that same token, there is also the option of not saying anything. What’s done in the dark comes to light—trust and believe. Whether you are involved as whistleblower or not that relationship will take the course it is supposed to and that will be that.

This isn’t my first rodeo.

Life goes on.

Cheating is not the end all be all.

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I have dealt with worse drama and yes I’m too old for this shit but that’s life. Bring it and I will handle it. I’m that bitch, and I won’t be harassed or passive aggressively bullied about no dumb shit.

 

 

 

#UNBOTHERED

Posted on by under The Crazy

Ayesha Curry recently shared her holy opinions on the lack of modesty in how women dress these days.

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As a person that is often opinionated about shit that has nothing to do with me, I completely get it. However, I think these series of tweets that rocked the world (for like, 3 seconds) were tweeted in poor taste. For one thing, as a basketball wife THOTS are your friend and you surely need to form some sort of alliance with them to keep them off of your man. I’m sure there are a few hundred basketball hoes that were like, “Awww cute family I won’t mess with that, lemme see what Klay Thompson is trying to get into…” Well, now that Ayesha has unleashed her judgmental beast, I doubt she’ll continue to get a pass…

However, the major thing for me, is that Ayesha failed to realize that her celebrity and her Christianity puts her above all of this bullshit. Why are you even tweeting? When I was at the peak of my goodie two shoes church girl life, I came to the quick realization that comparing yourself to others is always a bad move because you will always be perceived as condescending and holier than thou. Every.time.  In my opinion, the best thing to do when living your life as an example is to LIVE YOUR LIFE AS AN EXAMPLE! We see you, we know that you have an awesomely talented and handsome (to some) husband, beautiful family, Christian values and that you dress modestly. It is noticed and it is an example for those who choose to be positively influenced by it. Congratulations, you are not a thot—this is NOT brand new information. (S/n: I use the term thot loosely and humorously. I myself am a fan of the short skirt and low neckline—maybe I’m going a bit easy on myself but I don’t think that makes me a hoe or a thot. It’s just funny to say that the hoes are in revolt in response to Ayesha’s comments but, nah…not really)

Twitter Rant

Along with everyone else these days, Ayesha is so unbothered–and the only way to really know just how unbothered people really are is to read about them telling you so on social media (-_-).  Listen, not caring about something is simple and 100% of the time it includes NOT TALKING ABOUT IT! Ayesha, you totally lost me by even saying, “Regardless of if you like my “style of clothes” or not (which I don’t care) please do not tear women down or degrade them…Not cool peeps”.  Listen, these set of tweets were not a call to arms for women to stop shading other women. This is the response of a woman who clearly thinks she’s a little better and a little above the half naked hoes because of her chosen lifestyle AFTER being kicked down a few notches off her high horse. Call a spade a spade: some folks were talking about your style and it hurt your feelings so you lashed out and over explained yourself to people who don’t really care all that much at the end of the day. This was a subtweet and this was a clap back plain and simple.

Can I just say that if more than like 7 people actually read this blog and I had even an ounce of notoriety and fame I would not be clapping back at anybody. I get in my feelings a bunch over criticism and things people say but when you reach a certain level of celebrity you are absolutely obligated not to give any fucks whatsoever about the naysayers. I mean, most people follow you on social media based on your name not even who you are as a person. For me, this mini twitter rant was the equivalent of trying to argue with the internet trolls that randomly leave racist comments on YouTube videos—not worth it.

Yes words, thoughts, opinions and criticisms of others can be hurtful but we don’t have to give them power. Becoming truly unbothered takes practice, and it takes a lot of strength to accomplish but it can be done. For starters, it would seem that bringing up topics that you “don’t care” about and emphasizing your lack of caring would be counterproductive toward your overall goal. The very best thing you can ever do to express your disinterest in something is to take the high road and not even speak about it or waste time responding. Ex-boyfriend, baby Daddy, shady friend, exhausting co-worker, heated political discussion that’s going nowhere– I have nothing to say, I’m so unbothered.

Apples for Oranges

Posted on by under The Crazy

It is a strange paradox how the world treats us as if we don’t matter or exist, while simultaneously immersing themselves in our culture. We are some of the best people. We love the hardest, bring a cool swagger to everything we do, are inclusive yet coquettish, aloof and hard to read—passionate, longsuffering, loyal—all of those things. Still, I wonder; what are we going to DO with all of this anger.

Anger and passion

Oh, the Humanity

…seems to be missing from us lately, and some of us have become so cruel in our “I don’t give a fuck about anybody else but me and my people” mentality. I take pride in my identity; I find causes that I believe in and fight passionately for them in ways that I feel I can contribute. All the while, I try to remember that if I want what matters to me to matter to others at the very least I should continue to show respect for the lives of others. There is so much chaos going on in this world, every event and social issue cannot possibly relate back to my cause. At a certain point I have to examine whether I am comparing apples to oranges because of misguided emotion and bitterness.

There was fear in my heart just days ago, watching the news and the accounts of the terrorism in France. Terrorism is the kind of godlessness that makes you collapse to your knees and pray for the release that is the end of the world. Who wants to continue to live this way in suffering while bearing witness to the suffering of others? My Facebook page is a sea of red, white and blue in vertical lines—it is also an ocean of information that I simply did not know.

Apparently this past April, there was a similar terrorist attack at a college campus in Kenya. That familiar sinking feeling burrowed itself deeper in the pit of my stomach—why am I just now hearing about THIS attack? Why was there no Facebook flag app for THIS? I knew the reason—hence the feeling of dread in my belly. Fact: the lives of the ones with brown faces do not matter to the general public as much. The media does not find our plight interesting. The loss of lives in “savage country” is inevitable and deemed not newsworthy. We are the last page of your newspaper, a buried link on your social media timeline– we are an afterthought. The sheer outrageousness of this boils inside of me and it takes a whole hell of a lot of compassion to rise just above it in order overcome those feelings of resentment and bitterness. Who am I really mad at? And when the fire in my belly is extinguished, do I allow the ashes to cool into a pile of apathy? Perhaps cruelty? In our efforts to spotlight that we are people that do matter in this world, are we negating the value of other lives lost as a result of senseless violence…of other lives lost period?

When White People Speak

…they are immediately shut down and told to have several seats. For people who speak out of their asses, intent on trolling and spewing ignorance I am all for this. However, not every white or non-black person is wrong, or hateful or racist. Not every NON-BLACK cause is ANTI-black. Caring about the hundreds of people killed in a brutal terrorist attack does not mean that you do not care about the social and racial issues happening on your home soil. By that same token, changing a Facebook profile picture from one flag versus the other does not mean that one tragedy trumps the other. How much you care shows in your actions, in your charity and how you choose to advocate. Facebook profile shaming is frivolous and petty. We have to be better about not focusing on the negativity we see in the loyalty and passion of others and focusing on our personal goals we are trying to accomplish. No matter what cause you stand for it is not to be compared to that of another. I want to make sure that I can handle the load of apples that I carry without worrying about how the weight compares to your oranges.

Nickie vs. MileyPersonally, I wish we could continue to focus on educating those who are ignorant and fighting alongside those who are in the know. The media will report whatever’s sexy—they will report American politics, movie news, the Kardashians—but it doesn’t mean that the general public has to care about these things. Just because we can’t control the media does not mean we have to be controlled by it. This anger, this frustration and attitude can definitely be channeled toward something more positive that will ultimately help us to better communicate our point of views and bring about changes to the way society thinks. We don’t have to be bullies! When confrontation occurs, I don’t want to turn it into a keeping it real session. When our necks start twisting and the word bitch starts flying around our whole argument becomes lost. We don’t have to play in the field with those who choose to play dirty and we can choose how we channel our negative reactions.

Who is this “we” I speak of? Me and you. The world is hurting, and it’s ok to admit that it’s not just black people. In our efforts to influence the world and serve as voices for our various causes we mustn’t lose sight of our humanity. We are not the only ones who feel pain, and we might be surprised to find that it is those who suffer alongside us who can turn out to be our biggest allies.

…Of Nice and Good Men

Posted on by under The Crazy

A good man is the same as a finicky cat that comes to drink of the warm bowl of milk you’ve gingerly placed outside of your front door to feed it. You may watch the cat reap the benefits of the treat– just for God’s sake don’t make any sudden moves or you may scare it away forever!

Where Do Nice Guys Finish?
…on your face like every other man, so let’s hop down from that pedestal, guys. I see and hear the cry of “nice, non-bad boys” and I’m not overly impressed. Are you really missing out on dating opportunities with women because you are too kind and wholesome and good? Maybe you are also a coward that never makes the first move, are emotionally unavailable, too busy or lazy to make room for a relationship in your life, OR (and this is my favorite) you stand on the greatness of your master’s degree, immaculate apartment and nice car completely forgetting that you have to offer a woman some personality. You are not losing in life; especially in this day and age when women are cooking meals, raising the babies AND bringing other women home for men to get their threesome fix so they WON’T BE ABANDONED OR CHEATED ON.

Nice guys, I have more questions! Are you really losing with good women, or are we talking about being curved by the big booty chick with a million dudes in her DMs anyway? Also, who hurt you? Are you sure you got over Romantica who cheated on you in ninth grade and broke your heart? Are you sure you’re giving off “nice guy” vibes or are you repping 2015, the age of inconsistent communication, Netflix and chill and total disregard for the emotional well being of anyone but yourself? I don’t know the answers, these are literally my questions.

Everyone is REPLACEABLE
And, seriously, on the other side of it we women have to chill with this whole concept of driving away and/or scaring off “good men”. You settle down with your “nice/good” man and you’re afraid to rock the boat for fear he won’t stay and argue, but will leave you for something better. If a man is down for you, he shouldn’t be packing his bags every time you want to approach the subject of why a nigga gotta always eat the last of your Pringles without saving you some. Relationships are hard, there’s going to be some friction and disagreement no matter how good and kind the person you are with.

Personally, dealing with a strong, chivalrous, considerate and goal-oriented man after dating a slew of third string assholes IS an entirely different ballgame. However, I push myself to be vocal about the things that bother me in a rational way that leads to productive conversation. True, not a lot of men want to argue all the time (at least I try to stay away from men who equate arguing with passion) but a disagreement or two shouldn’t have you shaking in your red bottoms that he’s going to leave you. No, you can’t be crazy (slashing only three car tires because if you slash all four his insurance will cover the costs) or rude, or disrespectful but if something in the relationship bothers you, you also can’t be afraid to stand up to your good man. He is not the same as the man who ghosted you for days then copped an attitude when you voiced your complaints. If he is for real a good man he will LISTEN to the things that bother you and talk it out! Welcome to adulting…

The thing about these nice/good guys is that they are treated by the world around us like a novelty when the reality of it is; they are getting credit for shit they are supposed to do! Being faithful, educated and independent should align with the personal goals of the nice guy, not just marketed as a qualitative selling point to get and keep bitches. “Do you know how many women would love to have a man like me?” This is the battle cry of self-proclaimed nice guys that really ain’t shit. Ok, go find these women that will appreciate you so much more–fast forward  two months later and you’ll be posting lonely nigga quotes and Bae applications on your Facebook.

I have been hurt by enough nice guys to know not to fall for this foolishness. Yes, you may draw her bath water and hang out with her mom but it doesn’t make you incapable of hurting a woman…you ARE human. Treating your woman kindly does not elevate you to superhero status. Furthermore, as far as your social media posts reading like the book of Lamentations; don’t nobody feel sorry for your ass! For mature women who aren’t into all the games it’s never a matter of the bad boy vs. good guy. Maybe we’ve gotten our hearts broken by a disrespectful man in the past but it doesn’t mean that is a preference. Using the nice guys finish last, woe is me expressions is not only unimpressive but unfounded. Good men, great men, nice men who show consistency loyalty and personality are winning all across the board. Just look around you….

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STFU

Posted on by under The Crazy
Crazy Face

The face I make when I am struggling to hold my tongue

I am finding that the older I get the more time I spend just looking at people with a blank face and no response– or just smiling and nodding. I have become increasingly picky about how I choose to use my time and energy. For example, if you are an ill-mannered co-worker assigned to work with me on a temporary project and it’s highly likely that I will never have to work with you again I’m not going to waste precious energy in an effort to confront your bad manners or to try to resolve how to work with each other. I’m going to keep silent, complete the job and throw up deuces when our time together is over.

Work

I find that this works just fine in most situations

I actually had a similar situation like this play out on a recent business trip except I didn’t quite leave things at a peaceful goodbye. I left with an attitude and was rude and abrupt–and I immediately felt awful about it. Unfortunately, it also seems the older I get the less of a kick I get out of telling people off and fighting ridiculous battles of will with people who hardly know me. I struggle less with guilt by making the decision to mind my tongue and keep it moving.

The Problem with Putting People in Their Place

… is that every once in a while you have to renew it. If you hang around people it is only a matter of time before a faux pas is made and boundaries are crossed. Whoops!

If I find myself dealing with repeat behavior too often, it becomes clear to me that there is no more bud left to be nipped. This person obviously can’t cease and desist on their behaviors so instead of yet another “come to Jesus” talk about boundaries it’s easier to just say nothing and disassociate. The anonymity of technology allows people to be so bold these days, as well as vocal about who is being cut off and why, etc. Listen, I have no interest in a long text/communication with you if it’s going to do nothing to edify you or our situation. If you’re bossy, controlling and hard -headed by nature then I’m not going to bother talking to your bossy controlling hard headed ass because you’re stubborn and not likely to change anyway. I’m simply going to fall back and STFU.

Whoa

Trying to tell people off via Facebook or text?– you’re just going to get this response. Why waste the energy?

Loudmouth people will somehow try to convince you that practicing STFU is a bad thing. They think it’s somehow passive and weak—however speaking as a former loudmouth (and still transitioning out of this) it actually feels more refreshing and validating to reject potential battles and continue on with life in peace. I don’t have to prove myself to anyone and I save a lot of time by not feeling obligated to do so. Also, when you’re a loudmouth people try to use you as their mouthpiece for when they don’t have the courage to speak up for themselves. I care about my children, my relationship, family, homelessness, poverty, injustice and racism—I am happy to speak up about those issues but I won’t be the mouthpiece for an issue that only marginally grinds my gears. This is life, it’s nearly impossible to be comfortable and happy with everything so you learn to adapt and adjust. I think that is a main idea that a lot of people haven’t seemed to grasp yet. We are a world filled with billions of people all trying to adjust everyone around us to accommodate our needs. Sometimes you don’t get what you want—especially out of other flawed individuals—so MOVE THE FUCK ON! Everyone doesn’t deserve an explanation.

When I made the decision to leave my first husband it wasn’t an easy decision but it was a definite one. I had laid down the law of expectations and those expectations were not being met. While I was in it I was fighting, I was accepting, forgiving, tolerating and trying to make it work but once it was done…well, it was done. I didn’t feel the need to explain why I was leaving; I made the cause and effect clear. If certain behavior continues, I will leave. The behavior continued and I left with no further need for discussion. Talking is EXHAUSTING and sometimes the most difficult way to interpret a situation. I learn so much more about people by ignoring their words, shutting up and observing actions instead. There is power in the closed mouth and I only wish I had known this about 10 years ago! I’ve wasted so much time telling people off, explaining to them who I am and “what they’re NOT gonna do”; when I could have just not said anything and let the chips fall where they may.

It’s Ok Not to Care

idgaf

You do care– or else you would not have said anything or posted this at all!

I sat home one day, mouth agape as I watched Ellen DeGeneres burst into tears on my television screen. (Anyone who really knows me knows that I love Ellen, she’s awesome, corny and you can’t tell me she’s not an angel sent from heaven to teach us to be kind and dance and be goofy to one another). As it turns out, she was bawling over the plight of some homeless dogs or something. I don’t really remember, to me it was kind of stupid and I don’t care that much about animals.  I see those sappy Sarah McLachlan commercials and I feel nothing, and when these issues pop up on my social media feeds I don’t comment or like because I don’t care.

Especially when it comes to Facebook, my timeline reads like CNN on steroids—reporting stories of missing children, weather alerts, social injustices, videotaped violence, prisoners on the run etc etc. Seriously, I can’t possibly keep up and I’m not sure I would know how to without my brain exploding. I observe everything that’s posted but I don’t dare comment on everything because that’s how you end up looking like an ignorant fool. Yes, I’m talking to you accidentally racist people.

Listen, DO NOT hashtag #AllLivesMatter on any social media—of course ALL lives matter but it’s not ALL people getting their asses beat by the police for trivial and/or alleged crimes every day. For every movement there does not have to be a counter movement—shutting the fuck up is ALWAYS an option. You have the space to talk about whatever you please on your social media but nowadays people not only lack empathy and sensitivity but they get into the habit of spouting their opinions as if they are fact. If you do not feel moved by any particular hot topic or subject matter it is completely acceptable and respectable to stay quiet about it in general. A few weeks ago, the biggest controversy was that the world was paying attention to Caitlyn Jenner as a distraction from the real news issues at hand. Well, not really… if you personally care more about race issues, politics or your grandmother’s 90th birthday it’s perfectly acceptable to stay in your lane on those things. You don’t HAVE to talk about or acknowledge Caitlyn (or any Kardashian thereof) at all! One of my main gripes with social media is the social pressure to speak up and speak out but a lot of the same people sounding off are also deleting commentary they dislike or disagree with. That’s not really how this works…

Bottom line: not every battle is yours to fight. People seem so combative these days, wielding their personal opinions like swords and are so quick to stab you with their advice or good intentions. In some situations, people end up having more respect for you if you don’t say anything at all. This strategy may not apply in every single situation, but I do think it would be good for folks to remember shutting your piehole is always an option and perfecting the art of when to be silent and when to speak is probably one of the most valuable weapons any of us could ever carry in our arsenals.*

Wisdom

Or the ones who truly DON’T care

*Of course this whole blog is made up of my opinion on the subject matter and one could argue that by writing this I am not practicing the art of STFU…

Instagram Pretty

Posted on by under The Crazy

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Going through some things and scrolling through social media is NOT helping. Why is everyone on everything every where just so fucking hot? Am I the only one that has to take like 40 selfies with specific lighting before I find one that’s just kind of decent enough for me to dare posting?

Maybe I need to hire a make up artist that does contouring,  or quit the open mic stuff and do the introverted writer thing full time. I don’t know,  I’m still mulling it over.  I think the last time I tried to send a sexy pic to my man I ended up using a filter so dark I’m sure he could barely make out my facial features. Anyway, it’s definitely not a good time in the world to have low self esteem because the hot bitch cup runneth over. Advice for the regular ass looking chicks out there? Flaunt your personality like a big booty ho and no one will even notice the difference. Worth it once you learn to perfect it…but still haven’t figured out how to capture all that personality in a Facebook profile pic.

#Bae

Posted on by under The Crazy

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Social media is the devil, but I still hear it calling me! My problem is that I do things ass backward by reporting and sharing all the terrible shit that’s going on in my life– dating or otherwise– and I feel weird about sharing when it’s good.

No One Likes A Humble Brag

When I was down and out in relationship hell going through my divorce and break up I felt it was the sworn duty of my friend’s to listen to my pain and anguish with their “Mmhmm, girl’s” armed and ready. That’s what friends DO!! But now that I’ve settled into something substantial with a romantic partner that seems to actually love and respect me I feel a little censored. Who can I gush to about my consistent good morning texts and “just checking in” phone calls? The answer: no one.

I try my hardest to regulate my “JW Says the Darnedest Things” anecdotes to my closest bff, but I think that by now even she has reached her limit. With the surplus of social media platforms, humble bragging has become common but it’s best to gear that shit toward a widespread audience because sharing with individuals might just get your feelings hurt. I was bummed out about this at first but now I see it as a blessing in disguise. Feeling kind of like a fool if I were to post excessive #myboo pictures and statuses has helped me to grow up a little and become a more private person.

Bagel

You Down With OPP?

My entire courting and marriage was kind of like a reality show and its rise and fall was very much everybody’s business. With my second major child-producing romantic involvement I learned to get better about not sharing information with my parents. Now, after doing the casual dating thing and keeping that as under wraps as possible (from my entire family and a majority of friends), this new relationship is the 3rd rule of Fight Club: WE DO NOT POST ABOUT IT! With the exception of the blog, (because to most of my audience I am a complete stranger) I try not to share any photos, change any relationship statuses or speak much about JW or follow him on any medias at all. I have my reasons. ..

  1. I’m not a jealous person but I’ve been made into one by the cheaters I’ve dealt with in the past. (So… I guess I AM a jealous person.) I don’t want to spend my time on IG decoding some thirsty comment on my man’s dinner pic: “Ooh can I have a taste?” No you can’t, bitch. That’s my veal parmesan and you can have several seats! People on social media have no chill, and as a person prone to being bothered by it I may as well see no evil and not friend or follow him on any sites.

Furthermore, what’s done in the dark will always come to light. Becoming Nancy Drew and searching for the “Mystery of the Cyber Flirty Boyfriend” sounds exhausting and, for lack of a better term, PRESSED.

Jealousy

  1. I know my role and I don’t want to put too much stock in Facebook affirming it for me. So far I think I’ve solidified my girlfriend status by being present for conversation during number 2s and the meeting and greeting of friends and children, etc. Furthermore,  it is a good trust building activity for me to take words and action at face value rather than putting too much emphasis on how we are presented to our virtual world.
  2. When and if it’s all said and done between us, my experiences and memories will be enough to haunt and hurt me.  I believe in absolute severance and I would not want to deal with deleting, untagging, unfriending and unfollowing. I do not believe in soft break ups!

Number 3

  1. I am way too personal in this blog– it really is in his best interests to remain nameless and faceless.

<–   (5. I’m terribly unphotogenic!) PHOTOGENIC 1

#Maindude

I am tempted to showboat relationship happiness, almost everyday, and admittedly a little envious of those that have the luxury. My baby is a beautiful man…all tall, dark skin, bright teeth and pretty eyes, OF COURSE I want to photo op our every moment together! However, I recognize that the desire to plaster his face all over the walls of my accounts stems from an immaturity and insecurity within me that wants to yell a big fat “HAHA!” in the face of every stupid guy I’ve wasted my time with, and every woman that gossiped about me behind my back. I don’t need to get in the habit of trying to prove a thing to any of those people. I just need to learn to juggle what life has thrown me and enjoy the moments he and I share together while continuing to be present– living in the moment and feeling everything.

I’ve had romantic encounters before that I always worried weren’t real because we never went viral with it. At some point I began to associate a low media presence with a poor relationship. One thing I have been able to learn about myself is that if a man creates a safe environment of trust, consistency and affection then I could care less about the hash tags. Hanging out on a snowy day trying to understand watching the all star weekend dunk contest with him is an activity to enjoy and not a mini photo shoot. The fact that he is spending that time with me is what matters and to hell with what anyone else thinks or doesn’t or what symbolism lies in the public display of commitment.Relationship Killers

Personally, I don’t even know JW’s stance on the whole social media thing. I know he has Facebook and Instagram but that’s pretty much where we leave it. The moment I enter his presence I put my phone away– and he his– and focus all of my attention on us and savor the freedom of the privacy of we share. As a person that doesn’t mind being an open book and challenges herself to overshare in an effort to identify and include others, I must say it feels nice to be saving a little piece to myself.

We’ll see how long this lasts!

IMG_0382                                                But while we’re on the topic, please Like my Embrace the Crazy Facebook page and check out my new website: http://www.whiskeyandpoetry.com

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