What You Not Gonna Do

Relationship Killers

If you are reading this, you might want to go make yourself a steaming hot cup of tea because I’m about to dish about my personal life. I always weigh these things and decide just how much I am willing to share for the overall message and purpose of the blog and my underlying thought is that it is always worth it to reveal personal things about my life if especially if it will save a another woman from having to do so. That being said, think of the title of this post as an instructional guide—and I will provide tips not only on what you’re not gonna do but what you should not do when you run into situations such as this.

Back Story

About a year ago I wrote a tongue in cheek blog post about an altercation I had with my boyfriend’s upstairs neighbor called The Price of Slapping A Bitch. The post was basically a tale of one of those frustrating situations of not getting along with someone and wanting badly to invoke the spirits of violence but knowing that you can’t because jail time. Anyway, referenced in the post is the fact that his neighbor left a cheerfully hateful note on the windshield of my car the next morning—and in the post I didn’t reveal all of what she said but I hit the highlights that really irritated me (and was the most fun to write about and rebut). What I did not reveal is that in the note she referred to the boyfriend as “Community dick” and claimed that there was a lazy susan of women rotating in and out of his apartment quite often.

Reasons for not revealing this information:

  • This is the jugular that every woman goes for when they have beef! Second to commenting on how ugly they think you are, they always accuse your man of either cheating in general or cheating with them. The beauty of not being defined by looks or romantic relationship with a male is that these things don’t hold as much weight. As a woman who has been cheated on in EVERY RELATIONSHIP EVER, yes that is my worst nightmare but at the end of the day, you do some yelling and confronting and if there’s no concrete evidence you let it go. Paranoia cannot dictate a relationship.

 

  • Because I’m the fucking police and I know the importance of not releasing all the damn details to the public. I spill lots of tea—who am I kidding, it’s raining tea all over these pages—but believe it or not, I keep some things to myself in an effort to be considerate of privacy.

But I digress, the note was ultimately ignored and forgotten; the relationship continued. Fast forward to January of this year I received a comment on the aforementioned post in the middle of the morning and I go to give it a look. (It’s still there if you want to take a peek). It is supposedly the cousin of the upstairs neighbor who recognized the scenario and then proceeds to warn me of two things: 1. Her cousin will crush my life if she reads the post and 2. That I should pop by the boyfriend’s house to see for myself that he was cheating because I was being played.

NO. THANK YOU.

I was going to save a list for later but I can’t hold it in. WHAT YOU NOT GONNA DO is tell me that someone is going to do me bodily harm over something I’ve written on my blog. If you don’t like it don’t read it, and who the fuck are you that you are going around threatening folks? Because as much as I would love to slap a bitch, there is a lot more value in waiting for a bitch to hit me first so I can sue the shit out of her and pay for my children’s college. Also what you not gonna do is suggest I pop by a nigga’s house to catch him in the act of cheating. To be frank, pop-ups are for losers. Once you’ve reached that point in your relationship you are losing and I refuse to be Nancy Drew over any of this shit. I have things to do, and if he’s cheating he’s cheating and I will either eventually find out OR he’ll do something reckless and I’ll get a horrible STD. Who knows? This is what life and relationships are—you take the risk of loving and trusting someone and you stick with it until proven otherwise. Rude notes and blog post comments are not going to motivate suspicion within me. (Also, fun fact: if you are a first time commenter on the blog I am given the authority to approve or reject your comment; I chose to approve this particular comment because yolo, or whatever…)

Let Me Tell You What A Bitch Did

Fast forward to yesterday I am playing on my cell phone, exhausted from the day’s activities and fantasizing about skipping out on what I had planned for the evening, when I get a request that someone on Instagram wants to send me a picture. Sure! (I was secretly hoping it was my very first dick pic. Disgusting I know, but I feel like there’s some sort of rite of passage in getting your first random dick pic on the internet…anywho). What it was…a screenshot of the boyfriend’s picture on a dating site with a message from a random IG user (hard to trace and private, I tried!) with the message that simply read: FYI.

OK

Is it obvious this is my favorite meme?

I had so many questions! I didn’t get the immediate visceral reaction of “omg he’s cheating” I just kind of wasn’t surprised because the picture was from the dating site we had actually met on and I know my profile pic is floating out there on the same site. Only because it was nearly impossible to deactivate my account so I just hid my profile. Someone could easily screenshot my shit and send it to him and it would look bad but there would be an explanation. I needed more information.

So I requested it. And was immediately given the “What more evidence do you need? If you feel in your heart that maybe he is cheating here is your proof. Pay attention be smart about it and love yourself enough not to be played.”

What You Not Gonna Do

…is drop me a random screenshot of the boyfriend, try to plant a seed of discord in my life and drop the mic. I got questions! First of all, how do you know me? How do you know that this is my dude? It’s not impossible to figure out who the boyfriend is—but it is difficult since we don’t follow or have any links to each other on any social media. So you either have to do some digging or you have to know me personally. What’s your backstory?

You also not gonna condescend to me like you are a loving mentor or big sister. You are a complete stranger and I have no context about your intentions whatsoever. Being smart is not accepting a public photo of your s/o with no other explanation or background about how the pic was obtained, etc. Screenshots of explicit conversations (with number displayed) and dated dick pics are acceptable along with further explanation about who you are. This humanizes you and at the very least makes me more willing to believe this random ass information that you’re supplying me. In 2016, side bitch culture has become the norm, there are plenty of women that have been scarred by the horrors of cheating and are simply waiting on the next ball to drop. Accusing a man of cheating is the easiest thing to do and something you really don’t need a lot of supporting evidence to prove anymore. A woman on the receiving end of the non-information usually just flies off the handle and starts making a list of names of people she wants to fight. As for me and my house, you need more people and more facts.

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There are women that forgive after cheating, and good for them! As for me…

And lastly, what you not gonna do is assume that I don’t love myself because you think and/or know that my man is cheating on me. Holy accountability, Batman! If a man cheats that’s on him, that shit is his choice and my ignorance of the fact does not make me a walking pile of low self-esteem. Furthermore, self-respect and choosing to forgive a partner for infidelity is not mutually exclusive. Women choose to forgive and work on their relationships with cheaters everyday—it is up to the people in the relationship to decide how they will handle such a situation. My eyes were opened to this fact just before my divorce—I thought I was the type of woman to stay in spite of infidelity and work on the relationship but then I slowly came to the realization that it’s not really the type of woman I am. That is my choice and in turn, I don’t look down on the women who decide to stay and work it out. God bless ‘em!

What You Should Do

I write this because the sad reality of life is that people—and dare I say, women specifically (sorry feminists)—are petty and vindictive and some actually want to see you completely fail at life. Revenge is a thing and arch nemeses are no longer just the stuff of comic books. I was driving around a crowded parking lot just the other day and I thought I happened upon an empty space. I darted over to claim it and just before pulling in I noticed an SUV hovering nearby. Not wanting to be the douchebag to steal his space I hesitated to allow the SUV the opportunity to claim it. About three seconds later I heard an angry voice yell “I DO NOT WANT THE FUCKING PARKING SPACE!” And there you have it…

People are assholes that don’t give a shit about politeness your feelings or anything of the sort. And the harsh reality is, if people are given the opportunity to be mean and shit all over your feelings they will choose to do so more often than not. I don’t automatically assume that strange women who approach me are good Samaritans worried about me and my self worth. On some level I believe that these incidents are related to the upstairs neighbor, but when I think about it all it honestly makes my brain hurt. I’m a regular ass woman, I don’t have time for sleuthing I have shit to do—but I will make time to share my experience and leave these thoughts with you.

If you are on the receiving end of this kind of thing my only advice would be for you to think before you act. It has nothing to do with trusting your intuition because when folk are coming at you sideways it fucks your intuition all the way up. You are not acting on a gut feeling but reacting to feelings of anger, hurt and maybe a little bit of embarrassment. No matter what you post on social media, in a blog or tell to friends—no one knows the inner workings of your relationship, how you choose to function, what you will and will not put up with and the reality behind appearances. I reject embarrassment and choose to put my business out there in moments like these in order to connect with others dealing with similar situations. Are there folks reading this shaking their heads and thinking “oh yeah she’s getting played” OF COURSE—but who cares? Those opinions, shaking heads and sounds of sympathy do nothing for my everyday life. I will handle as I see fit and I recommend the same for everybody because in the aftermath of it all the person bringing forward this juicy information never has to deal with the consequences of the events that unfold after the fact.

For those of you on the giving end of this kind of thing, I get it! A man is out there cheating and you are a super hero called to right the wrongs and bring a motherfucker to justice! However, do it like a lawyer and not a superhero. Provide the evidence, statistics, facts and be available to answer follow up questions—my GOD! You are a random woman coming out of the woodwork and accusing someone’s intimate partner of foul play, you are never going to be well received. Do yourself a favor and it keep it short and be precise and exact with how you choose to present the information. Realize that you are not this woman’s friend—this is not the movies and it will not be a meet-cute about how you met your future bff. You are coming in as the enemy by default so be cognizant and respectful of the fact. Wave the white flag of irrefutable evidence because planting a seed of doubt with faulty information is bullshit and will only be seen as shade and sabotage.

By that same token, there is also the option of not saying anything. What’s done in the dark comes to light—trust and believe. Whether you are involved as whistleblower or not that relationship will take the course it is supposed to and that will be that.

This isn’t my first rodeo.

Life goes on.

Cheating is not the end all be all.

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I have dealt with worse drama and yes I’m too old for this shit but that’s life. Bring it and I will handle it. I’m that bitch, and I won’t be harassed or passive aggressively bullied about no dumb shit.

 

 

 

Power

Bully

Anyone who has ever had the misfortune of riding in the car with me knows that I am a TERRIBLE driver! I am a daydreamer, I am always either going too fast or too slow—and driving anywhere in Washington, DC I am a confused mess of a person. I am not perfect, and neither is anyone else. I get bullied on a daily basis in my tiny Honda Civic and people speed up and NEVER let me over whenever I put on my turning signal. Driving in the DC area is a dog eat dog world. It is frustrating and infuriating but I accept it and I move on.

The other day, after a VERY long weekend spent running errands with my nine and four year old, it was time to leave the grocery store, get some gas and go the FUCK home! As I was exiting the shopping center there was a bus to my right on the main road picking up passengers and obscuring my view of traffic in the opposite direction. Like a true asshole DMV area driver I didn’t simply wait until the bus moved so I could see, I chose to dart across traffic because I am impatient, a little stupid and #YOLO. As I completed my left turn accelerating at full speed because I didn’t know what was behind me, I noticed that in my little misadventure I cut off a minivan innocently traveling along his path. It wasn’t a heart stopping near miss that would make me re-evaluate my life or at least rethink my driving habits but it was enough of a close call for me to feel guilty about cutting the vehicle off. But alas, we were all safe—perhaps the other driver butt hurt but no love lost.

Already on to the next thing, I pulled into the nearest cheapie gas station (you know, the kind with 4 lone pumps on a darkened semi-paved side street that screams “YOU WILL BE MURDERED HERE!” but you go anyway because the gas is 14 cents a gallon…) and as I am leaving my car to pay who pulls up but the minivan I just cut off less than a minute ago. The van pulls around and I get a good look at the driver, a man in his early 50s complete with scowling face and angry stare. Immediately I know that HE knows that I am the douchebag that pulled the risky traffic move at his expense. I feign confidence while walking to the cashier’s window but I’m nervous. Is this a coincidence or is this about to be a road rage incident taken way too far? I pay at the cashier’s window and as I am walking back to the car the guy is already out of his and making his way toward the window. I couldn’t mistake the antagonism in his voice as he spoke at me, “You were in that much of a rush just to get some gas?!”

The cloud of fear that hovered around me now settled onto me and began to seep in. And I get it—I did a stupid, dangerous thing and I could have seriously harmed us both—but is that what this was about? Was he here to harm me or to teach me a lesson? I walk over to my car and start pumping gas praying this was the end of our interaction. I crossed my arms trying to look tough but frightened out of my yoga pants that something sinister was about to pop off. He was parked at the pump directly on the other side of mine and as he walked back to his minivan I wished on everything holy that his lecture was over. He fixed the gas pump into his tank then he moved over to come closer to me, peered at the kids in the back seat and shook his head. “And you have kids in the car?! Why would you do something like that? Just to get gas? Really?!”

I didn’t know where this is going. The day was long, my pockets were empty I had just moved out of an expensive rental house I couldn’t afford with a landlord from the pit of hell, I was running on little time and no sleep and I didn’t NEED this! He didn’t know my story, he was not my father or a police officer I didn’t understand why he couldn’t let this go. People screw me over on the road every single day but I would never think to confront them about their transgressions—on the streets we are supposed to be anonymous. I felt intimidated but I wasn’t trying to show it so I decided to do my best to stay calm and be as direct as possible. “Sir, would you like me to apologize? I can apologize. What do you want to get out of this?”

He immediately says no, he did not want an apology and goes back into his rant basically calling me an idiot and irresponsible for my actions. I wasn’t scared because he was a black man, I was scared because he was a man here with me and my children in this darkened place trying to escalate a situation that was already over. It was subtle and clever and more power to him but I felt I was being bullied, I didn’t like it or invite it and I was helpless in the situation.

refusing advances

I asked him point blank if he was going to hurt me and he looked at me slightly taken aback by my reaction. I tell him, “You have me here in this darkened gas station at night, you are yelling at me in anger in front of my little girls, you don’t want my apology—what do you want? For me to listen to your verbal abuse or to punish me for what I did? I am at your mercy I am exposed and you are accosting me I don’t know you. You could have a gun, I don’t know what you want me to do?” I was feeling the same emotion I feel whenever I’m walking in public and a man makes a lewd comment and I have to be polite and laugh it off because people are crazy nowadays and rejecting a man’s advances can lead to the ending of your life. Or when I am on the inside seat of a nearly empty metro car train and a man sits next to me, traps me into conversation and asks me for my number, or even at work listening to sexist comments and choosing to ignore it because I don’t want to cause a shitstorm. I have no power in these situations, I feel trapped and at a clear disadvantage. Perhaps some may call it extreme language but I view it as an abuse of power. Men should always be subconsciously aware of their physical power over women and never misuse it to bully women into acquiescence—this is NOT ok!

About a year ago I came home to two of my brother’s friends in my living room. I had no problem with their presence, they were drinking buddies and it was Friday so the more the merrier. My girls were engaged in what look like a delightful pillow fight with one of the guys so I poured myself a glass of wine and watched them at play while chatting with the other friend. Suddenly, the friend playing with the children began to taunt me about being uptight and requesting that I join the pillow fight. I laughed it off and made it clear that I’d had a long day and I just wanted to drink and relax. My answer wasn’t enough for him, he kept up the teasing and next thing I know he was hitting me with the pillow. My response, “No, I am not going to play, don’t include me in this.” His response—another hit with the pillow. Three more hits with the pillow and my fury had boiled over. I am in my own house, in my own living room telling a guest NO, why was my NO not enough? And would a grown man do the same this same thing to another grown ass man? I doubt it. I jumped out of my seat and screamed for him to get the fuck out of my house because no means no and if I don’t want to you hit me in the face with a pillow repeatedly then DON’T!

Man Yelling at Woman

My power had been revoked from me. His other friend hopped up to back him away from me because I was hysterical. My brother came from downstairs to see what all the fuss and commotion was about and the way they all looked at me was as if I was a crazy black woman being all crazy and black again…popping off at the slightest provocation. But few men will understand what it is to lose your voice in that way. I was looked upon as disrespectful for kicking out house guests that were not mine but for me, anyone in your presence, let alone your house, cannot be around you if they can’t follow basic instructions to respect you and your space. The friend has since apologized and this is water under the bridge but this incident sticks with me—the powerlessness and the frustration of my wishes being so irrelevant to a person more physically powerful than me.

I lament about this a lot and I know it might make feminists hate me but I reiterate: men take care of us! If you feel no obligation to protect us at least don’t bully us or flaunt your physical power and control over us in these types of situations. I want my voice to matter just like any other human being (that pays taxes and rent and works and EXISTS ON THE PLANET) and I understand elevated emotional situations but even then there is a way to communicate and reason with people without manipulation.

There is a good chance I could be alone in these sentiments—but at least I feel better having gotten it off my chest.

 

Let’s Talk About Porn, Baby! (Part 1)

PART 1 Screenshot

Who watches porn? EVERYONE!

Pornography has been a contentious issue in almost all of my love relationships but now that I’m not 19 years old anymore I feel like I have a much clearer understanding of it. Not to say that I am comfortable with pornography, but because I’ve pushed myself to open up a dialogue about it with my sexual partners I feel more comfortable talking about it here. I seriously have come to the conclusion that I have a vastly different take on pornography itself, it’s purpose and it’s impact on romantic relationships and I am posting this two part series for the same reason I’ve posted everything to this site so far: because I believe that I am not alone in my thoughts and beliefs.

But enough about me… for now. I will share my personal experience in Part 2 of the series, but Part 1 is more about hearing about this topic straight from the horse’s mouth. When one of my follower’s on social media reached out to me and shared that he was an amateur porn star—after I got over the initial shock— I immediately segued into “I must interview you for the blog!” As cheeky as I have been (no pun intended) during promo for this two part series, I have to confess that this interview was not easy for me to do. That being said, many thanks to my gracious interviewee, Thick Biggems*, for putting me at ease and being so willing to speak candidly and share his experiences.

In my opinion there is nothing significantly raunchy in these posts—these posts are not meant to be salacious at all but to be informative and to offer different point of views for a topic that has probably affected lots of people more than they would like to admit or confess. If you are easily offended or know me personally and are clutching your pearls in disbelief at the thought of me writing about such a topic please SKIP THIS POST! Also, because of content alone this two part series is NSFW—if you must, please keep in mind that the blog is a mobile friendly site.

Happy Reading!

(*Thick Biggems is so NOT his actual amateur porn moniker but he said he didn’t care what pseudonym I used for him so I went a little nuts—AGAIN, no pun intended!)

Embrace the Crazy: Ok, so this is bizarre but we’re doing this so—let’s get started! Do you believe that all males watch pornography?

Thick Biggems: Those who don’t there is definitely a difference about them, I know lawyers, doctors and Pastors who—

ETC: Sorry, Pastors?

TB: Yes, Pastors that star in sex videos, that have fetishes, I’ve seen it all. People are human.

ETC: But what about, I don’t know… holiness?

TB: Everybody has skeletons! Laughs. Most men watch porn, how often and why is for all different reasons. Some used to watch it but now they don’t because of circumstances (ie. lack of time or privacy). Some never have and their wives and girlfriends suffer. Some watch it to get that kinkiness out of their systems because they can’t share their fetish. Me? I watch it to learn and I think its funny! The plots are cliche the talent is repetitive, it’s like wrestling— it’s entertainment.

ETC: What age were you when you first started watching porn?

TB: I was 11 or 12. I moved from the city to the suburbs. I was used to going outside to play. It was the first time I had to be inside because there were no other kids outside to play with.

ETC: So it was essentially a result of boredom?

TB: Yeah and being nosy. There was nothing outside to do so I ended up finding my step-fathers porn stash. He had about 15 VHS tapes. Most were several movies recorded on a tape. That was how I learned why he always had fat woman jokes! My mom had never been fat but he watched BBW porn. There was some adult cartoons, which I remember finding on a rainy day. I chose a tape and I went to put it in when my mom asked what I was about to watch. When I told her she quickly grabbed the tape, laughed and said those aren’t the same kind of cartoons. laughs

Those tapes shaped my sex life. I studied them long before I lost my virginity so when I say that I am a professional pussy eater (PPE), I mean it.

ETC: Wow…so you’re 11 years old watching adults on tape… I—

TB: I always had a thing for older women. The women on the tape were older—it caught my attention.

ETC: You knew you liked older women at age 11? So girls didn’t have cooties for you, I guess?

TB: Yeah, I was a natural born freak. I always had a thing for older women, they caught my attention. When I was 12 my mom had a friend that was 24…I was always tryna fuck. I always liked older women.

ETC: Even now? How old is too old?

TB: laughs I guess it depends on how well they are kept up. The oldest woman I’ve been with is now 50. She is an adult magazine model.

ETC: So at what age did you become sexually active?

TB: I didn’t start having sex until 15. Baby Got Back shaped my life! Since then I was watching asses and feeling on asses.

ETC: laughs Wow, so please tell me how one goes about getting into the amatuer porn business? Do you wake up one day and just say “Oooh—“

TB: The people I was hanging with were already into that area of work. At some point you see all these naked women around and they ask “D you want to be in the film?” Shit, why not? For some it can be that easy…others have to solicit themselves to get to that level when all they really need is a camera and an internet connection.

ETC: Ok, so from what I know porn is different when it’s self-directed. It’s worse… like, really bad…

TB: It depends on the fetish. If you want mainstream Hollywood then you’re not going to like it but if you like the girl down the street you will choose amateur porn all the time. There is no makeup and if she’s not feeling it [the sex] then she’s not feeling it. It’s not acting—it’s real and raw. It’s the fly on the wall point of view.

ETC: Assuming the fly on the wall is into human porn?

TB: Right. A lot of people like live shows, that’s all amateur porn is.

ETC: I’m sorry, what do you mean live? It’s like a webcam?

TB: Yeah you can use a webcam. There’s a site where you can set up times and let people know that you’re about—

ETC: About to bang some chick?

TB: Yup, and they can watch live online with you. It’s an extra, added thrill to see how many people you can entertain from all over. There’s a big difference when there’s 10 people watching you, versus 200 people.

ETC: And you’ve had as many as 200 people watching?

TB: Yeah, probably upwards of 200 watching at one time.

ETC: My brain can’t process this.

TB: That was a one-hour live stream. After—

ETC: Hour long sex on camera sounds intense!

TB: Oh yeah, we used to shut that site down! Laughs

Anyway…grab a camera or use your webcam and pick a site to upload it to. It’s always a new site to do it yourself or go to a website, hit the contact button and send an email. Unfortunately, a lot of people get dragged around trying to get into it, they are quickly reminded of the business bottom line and it’s their first and last shot at it.

ETC: Ok, so define amateur pornography? Self directed?

TB: Amateur Porn is anything that is not mainstream. If you are not under contract with one if the major companies, or not making six figures from it you’re an amateur. Yes, you direct it and you are in charge all the way around. You film when and with whom you want.

ETC: So at the time you were doing this were you involved in a romantic relationship? How did that go over?

TB: Yes, it was pretty much the basis of our relationship. Having that much sex with anyone your feelings are inevitably going to get involved a lot more so than when you started out.

ETC: So, you’re a man admitting that sex is directly related to emotional intimacy?

TB: Yeah, the intimacy was live. If you take two sexually compatible people and record it, it is different than recording two “actors” that look cute together.

The type of amateur porn I did is called couples porn. I met a popular online amateur porn actress one day— I knew nothing about her—my roommate knew her and ran a porn site that wanted to hire her. I came home early from work one day, I’m chilling in my livingroom and my roommate comes home. I open the door and it’s him and a slim chocolate girl at the door. Long story short we ended up fucking that night. She told me who she was and that she wanted me to be her boyfriend and stunt cock. I thought, why not? You only live once! We were together for a couple of years and filmed a lot during that time.

On the positive side it was lots of sex, lots of fetishes. She called me Daddy pretty much from day 1 and told everyone that was my name. She had grown men calling me Daddy! We had threesomes and foursomes, she would bring me girls— I had another girlfriend, she had another girlfriend. We actually had a threesome the night we met, she later told me when I opened the door she knew there was something special about me and she would have done anything to have me. When I was with her I lived a lot of men’s fantasies.

The negative is that I lost privacy and sometimes I didn’t want to have sex but it pays so I got to work. You may get noticed so be ready for it! Someone actually sent me a message on my personal porn site and addressed me by my government name saying, “I didn’t know you were a porn star!”

ETC: But overall it sounds like you don’t regret the decision to do porn?

TB: You have one life, no need for regrets I had a lot of fun. Nothing happened to me the whole time. I have a lot of memories and learned a lot of things, laughs.

How many men can say they fucked a porn star and a famous model the same night on more than one occasion and literally never paid a thing?

ETC: What about morality?

TB: What about it? As long as you didn’t hurt any kids or old people and you did no one harm then you didn’t do anything wrong in my opinion. Everything I did is what was asked of me. It wasn’t anything that I insisted on doing.

ETC: So you consider yourself “retired” from the business. What role does pornography play in your life now? Do you watch it?

TB: It’s entertainment and it’s educational.

I learned from a porn when I was 12 that to be great at sex you must become one with your dick. I do penis exercises, I can make it jump dance swing in circles in rhythm controlled. I can give a G-spot orgasm and will turn a lesbian on when she see me in action! Porn is the reason I am great at sex, I have always been freaky, but preferred a lot of sex with one partner instead of sex with a lot of partners. I still watch porn daily but I always keep my eye open for my content now. My significant other knows everything about my past and she watches it daily sometimes too. For the most part that’s it, I no longer cam or promote any of my videos.

ETC: You find pornography entertaining?! Ok, so is it a Kevin Hart movie or are you turned on by it?

TB: It’s more Kevin Hart. I can watch for hours throughout the day and not get hard at all. I’ve been there and done that—I know what happens next.

ETC: Umm, so that’s my point of view with this whole thing. You said you know how it ends, it doesn’t turn you on—so watching routine porn doesn’t make it anti-climactic when you go to have actual sex?

TB: No, it all comes from being a natural freak and working in that industry. I critique it too much to be turned on by it. If I’m turned on by it then it must be really good.

ETC: So physical sex with a woman has not lost its thrill?

TB: No, ain’t nothing like the real thing. If sex is boring, pick up the Kama Sutra!

ETC: The conversation?

TB: No, Kama Sutra.

ETC: Oh, boooo! I was all into it, thinking you were saying to make the conversational bond more interesting and to work on communication to have better sex. But you killed it—you said pick up the Kama Sutra.

TB: From a woman’s point of view, it’s all emotional so the conversation is going to build the climax. But for the dude who is bored in the bedroom— pick up the Kama sutra. From the male point of view, variety is the key to happiness.

ETC: I just keep thinking of the movie “Sex Tape” when Jack Black’s character says the key to keeping it exciting in the bedroom is to remind yourselves why you started fucking in the first place…

But anyway, tell me what advice you have for women who are uncomfortable with their significant others watching porn?

I’m writing this post but I’m not altogether comfortable with pornography at all. I can’t say that I haven’t watched it but I’m not completely comfortable with my man watching it. I’ve had exes that were deeply involved in porn to the point of what seemed like an addiction.

TB: It’s all about having a conversation. Understand why your man watches porn and find out if there’s any wiggle room for compromise. If you can’t talk openly about sex then you’re not ready to have it with that person. Have the conversation and find where can you compromise if anywhere because porn is not for everybody.

ETC: I appreciate you saying that.

TB: As long as it doesn’t get to the point where it’s out of control. If there is something different he’s looking for as far as fantasy or fetish there can always be a conversation. That’s a way to feel included but not include yourself in everything. You have to be non-judgmental about it.

ETC: laughs I struggle with that, I am very judgmental.

So what’s the wildest thing you have ever done during your career?

TB: I drove all the way to New Jersey to smack around a white girl.

ETC: Um wait, what?

TB: There is a fetish where white girls like to be slapped and abused by black men. A man paid me and a friend to come up to New Jersey and slap around white chicks. I thought my roommate was bullshitting me when he told me but I said the next time he goes up there I will go with him. We drove all the way there but the girl changed her mind and backed out at the last minute.

ETC: So you did not get to slap any white chicks that day?

TB: No, did not get to slap any white chicks that day. But, hey I get it—reparations have to start somewhere!

ETC: Wow, I’m going to have to edit that out!

Let me get back on track, what advice do you have for women that are uncomfortable with their significant other’s filming their sexual encounters.

TB: No means: no. It should only be done with complete trust and honesty, but, if you feel funny then don’t.

ETC: Do you believe a woman should be alarmed if their significant other watches kinky pornography? BDSM, fisting, slapping around white chicks…?

TB: Depends on how weird it is. There are levels.

ETC: What would be a deal breaker for you?

TB: Anything with bodily fluids is off limits and OF COURSE children.

ETC: Well, technically semen is bodily fluids.

TB: I mean more like golden showers, scat and throw up—

ETC: Golden showers are off limits? I thought that was fairly common…

TB: I tried once. Some things you’ll just try.

ETC: I’m curious, were you actually in a shower?

TB: Yeah.

ETC: I just wondered about the whole clean up situation…What are your thoughts and feelings about women who watch pornography?

TB: That’s great! It’s a wonderful thing. In a lot of cases it shows how in touch you are with your sexual self.

ETC: I totally disagree!

TB: Well, I said in most cases. There are exceptions to the rule! Not every woman has sexual creativity so you can let porn be your muse. I think women who watch porn are generally less stressed and have a good sense of humor. They also tend to be down to earth and more open minded when it comes to sex.

ETC: I’m a prude. I guess from personal experience, I believe that a sexual experience is more enjoyable for man and woman when they have abstained from masturbation and pornography. Agree or disagree?

TB: The anticipation and anxiety of abstaining can make you cum quickly and very hard. It could also do the opposite and kill your sex drive or make it harder for you to cum—which is why you should know yourself and watch a porn if needed so it can help get you that spark you need. Abstaining from time to time can be good thing but think of your sex drive like a car— you want it to stay running smoothly so at least start the engine and let it run even if you don’t drive anywhere.

A good exercise if you are abstaining from porn is masturbating until you’re about to cum then stopping before you do. This will build up the intensity of your orgasm and if you are a minute-man this might help you add some time on. Sex is fun so always try to make it fun…

ETC: Wow, I feel like I’ve learned a lot—maybe too much laughs

Thank you so much for doing this interview, I very much enjoyed getting the male point of view.

…and there you have it! Possibly an anti-climactic interview but keep in mind that I am no Barbara Walters– this is my very first time doing something like this, AND more importantly, it’s not over! Part 2 of this series is coming at you very soon so check back into the blog to find out my commentary and point of view.

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